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  • www.tips-fb.com Love

    Friday, April 29, 2011
    Take love and hold it deep down. Even the strongest hatred could never ever break it down. Once love decide to stay in your heart, it will forever be there, no matter what's the mind say, the heart would know best.

    Knowing we love one person, even the person not here with you, take comfort in knowing that how bless it is, to feel and touch love and treasure it forever. Though all the times now are mere memories, take comfort in knowing those memories won't fade away.

    Make it 10, 20, 50 or 100 years, the love stays forever. To love one person is to acknowledge his memory, whether you are together no more, he stays, exist in your heart for life time :)

    www.tips-fb.com Losing a baby Part II

    Thursday, April 28, 2011
    How can I deal with my grief over losing a pregnancy?
    It's normal to feel shock, grief, depression, guilt, anger, and a sense of failure and vulnerabilty when you lose a pregnancy. The days, weeks, and even months following a loss can be incredibly difficult and painful — even more so if this wasn't your first pregnancy loss, or if you carefully planned this pregnancy and thought you'd done everything "right." Or you may simply feel withdrawn and moody and unable to concentrate or sleep. If you told people you were pregnant, you'll probably worry about announcing this news and you may find even the most sincere expressions of sympathy difficult to take.

    A few things to keep in mind as you work through this troubled time:

    1)Understand that it's not your fault. Pregnancy loss or complications can strike anyone. Talk openly and honestly with your partner about what's happened and how it's affecting you. Remember, there's no right or wrong way to deal with grief. Accept your feelings as they are and don't judge yourself or your partner for how you respond.

    2)Give yourself time to heal. Don't pressure yourself to get past the sadness quickly. Your healing will be more complete if you deal with your grief as it comes. You may find yourself reliving the pain, especially around your due date or other milestones. Over time, things will change and you'll feel better.

    3)Take time off from work. Even if you feel physically fine, taking some time away from your job may be helpful. You need a chance to process what's happened, and taking a break from your regular routine will help you acknowledge and accept all that you're going through.

    4)Don't expect your partner to grieve in the same way. If your partner doesn't seem to be affected by the loss as deeply as you are, understand that men and women grieve differently. While women tend to express their feelings and look for support from others, men tend to hold their feelings inside and deal with loss on their own. Likewise, men often feel they need to take care of their partners by remaining strong. So don't misread his stoicism as not caring about you or your loss and don't judge yourself for not coping as well as he does. Share your feelings and your needs with your partner but give each other the freedom to experience the loss in your own way.

    5)Don't close yourself off from others. Although it may seem painful to talk about, sharing your story will allow you to feel less alone and help you heal. You may be surprised by how many of your co-workers, cousins, neighbors, and friends have their own stories of loss and healing. And you may find understanding and support from unexpected people — which can help make up for the fact that some people you expected to understand don't seem to get how much you're hurting. Someone who hasn't gone through what you're going through really can't know what it's like. Most people want to say something comforting but don't know what to say. Try not to take it personally if they say the wrong thing or nothing at all.

    6)Get support. Ask your doctor or midwife about pregnancy-loss support groups in your community. It may take a while to find one that suits you, so don't get discouraged if you don't like the first one you try. Find out in advance about the people in the group to see if you'll fit in. (Have most of them had early or late miscarriages? Is it a group coping primarily with stillbirths?) You may also want to seek out a professional counselor to help you grapple with the difficult emotions you're experiencing right now and, ultimately, to come to terms with your grief


    www.tips-fb.com Losing a baby

    I found myself reading through a lot of article about dealing with the loss of baby or child... and I know, many out there would share the same feeling of sadness and emptiness that I am going through...

    I quote here some of the paragraph that I think worth sharing. Some of her words describe exactly what I am feeling

    The article from real life experience of Katherine from Mothers35Plus

    Those two weeks we spent in intensive care with him were the most frightening we have ever experienced. We lived minute by minute and had our hopes raised and dashed countless times. Our lives, which had been so happy and so full of promise two weeks earlier now seemed bleak and grey. I would wake up every morning and think "my baby died". I wept and wept until I felt no more tears would come, but they did.

    I was touched by the number of people who wrote to share their own experiences of miscarriage, stillbirth and cot death. Other people had gone through worse. We had experienced the joy of his birth and ten happy and innocent days with him. All our close family had seen the baby. He had been beautiful and loved. We had some lovely photographs and happy memories to look back on. We were proud of our son.

    You never "get over" the death of a child, you just learn to live with your grief. At first I thought about him, his birth and his death, every waking minute. Then I realised that the sad and the frightening memories were fading. I still carry him with me everywhere I go and have a clear image in my mind of his big, blue eyes opening wide before he snuggled up to my breast for a feed. But the fear and raw grief that ruled my life five months ago has now gone.

    I often ask myself the question "why". Why did such an innocent little life have to end so quickly? We don't know why Matthew's heart was so badly mis-formed. All we do know is that there was no genetic cause. A baby's heart is fully developed by eight weeks gestation. Sometimes things just get organised the wrong way round. Eight in a thousand babies are born with a heart defect, but this is often a small hole which closes over a time and does not require surgery. We were the one in a thousand chance where major surgery is required.

    We have learned a lot about life, and death. We now have immense sympathy for those who have sick children, or who have lost a child. Our most supportive friends have been those who have experienced serious illness and bereavement themselves. The best way to cope is to let grief take its course. There is no right or wrong way to mourn. To weep, to talk. Grief may take a while to emerge, and may appear as anger or jealousy.

    Coping with other people's attitudes has been difficult. In the 1990s we are so removed from death, and the death of a baby is a genuine shock to everyone. Some people think that referring to the baby will make you upset. But what I want more than anything is for people to say that they are sorry. I need people to acknowledge my son's short life, and for my role as a mother to be acknowledged. To fail to mention Matthew is to deny his existence, and that hurts. I am proud to show people my lovely photographs. I'm pleased to tell them what happened. I appreciate being asked how I am, and am I coping? If I don't want to open my heart, I won't, but sometimes I do need to talk.

    Fathers too, need remembering. The traditional male role is to be strong and to provide support. They are forced to continue their daily roles as normal. But sorrow may creep up at unexpected times and take them unawares. Men do feel that lost promise very deeply. The sight of my own father and brother weeping at Matthew's funeral was hard to bear.

    www.tips-fb.com Drifting Away.. If Only..

    When the smile fades away, I tried so hard to replace it with laughter, because there's no sincerity left in that smile, while laughing would cover the fakeness away.

    Drift away and fade away, little by little swallowed by unforeseen darkness, while I've taken life for granted, punishing without trial, lie still now, wish I would woke up to the open sky, where brilliant lights of thousands stars, swims in my sight.

    Where are the words when I need them, how could I describe what has been keeping me so tormented inside? The burden of heighten misery, fears and terrible feeling of longing that never end.

    Put a display of the play, out to be the entertainment of watching eyes. Hoping that somehow and someway, they understand the story behind it, how could there'll be any understanding if there's so much lies, and the only person who know everything, cannot be counted for ...

    Sleep tight.. drift away... close the door... shut the ears and eyes... let it be... let it be...

    www.tips-fb.com Tioman in Memory (22Apr-25Apr2011)

    Tuesday, April 26, 2011

    www.tips-fb.com PlayTime almost ended...

    Thursday, April 21, 2011
    Yay... tomorrow Mr Hubby and I are going on our vacation to Tioman Island. At last, finally we are going to breath the salty air of the sea.

    I have prepare the motion sickness tablet, juz in case I got sea sick.. and of course we are fully equiped with Sunblock for Body and Face and let not forget aloe vera gel, for any case of sunburn...

    And yes, finally I got my haircut, after a very long time. I get my haircut at the Pepito Hair Studio in Carefour Bukit Rimau. The service was nice. And the best thing was they still have this on going promotion of "wash + cut + blow" at ONLY RM18. And if wanna "colour + treatment" only RM88 for first timer of course!! Wow, really make me tempting to re-colour my hair and I almost do it if not for Mr Hubby advice earlier not to colour my hair again. But I just love colour, that's why I wear coloured contact lens... it surely make you feel different.. but its okay.. I do it all for Mr Hubby anyway :)

    Really can't wait to be in Tioman. I hope I'll enjoy it as Monday... "Hello, Spansion" again and "Goodbye work-free-day"

    www.tips-fb.com Kelam yang mengintai cahaya...

    Monday, April 18, 2011

    Damai dicari kian memudar dijamah gelapnya kelam kepiluan jiwa. Jernih air mata mengalir terus tanpa putus, sebak kian lama kian meruntun, memutar-mutar peristiwa dilayar pemikiran, lantaran hati pun terbelah dua, tak terdaya menahan saratnya pedih ngilu yang melara, merebak terus ke seluruh bahagian sendi tubuh. Terkulai lemah tiada lagi berdaya.

    Barang yang lepas tidak ingin dikenang, kelak badan jua yang binasa. Sesungguhnya tiadalah untung yang dapat digapai dalam menghitung kesengsaraan ini. Sedang sedihnya masih sama, tidak jua ia berlalu pergi. Bicara manis-manis dilagukan menjadi halwa telinga, diharap bisa menjadi pengubat kepada racun kepiluan ini, mencantum semula semangat yang patah, menghembus keluar nafas-nafas hiba, jauh pergi bersama angin yang berlalu.

    Tangan dihulur mengusap sanubari, penuh kesetiaan, penuh kecintaan, cuba merungkai kusutnya benang-benang pemikiran, memimpin diri yang hilang dicelah lautan gelora kehidupan yang membadai ganas, kembali ke laluan asal. Diri mula menerima dengan redha, setiap ribut taufan pastinya akan redah, lautan kembali tenang, mentari menyinar kembali kehangatan nikmat dunia, dihiasi pelangi nan indah yang membawakan seribu pengharapan bahawa pelayaran hidup masih perlu diteruskan, sehingga masa kembali dijemput menemui Tuhan.

    www.tips-fb.com After a week goes by...

    Thursday, April 14, 2011
    Dah seminggu lebih berlalu. Alhamdulillah, aku makin pulih, emotionally and physically. Rajukku dengan mak juga hampir redah. Mungkin juga sebab mak mengambil inisiatif menelefon bertanya khabar. Yes, I admit, aku mmg kuat merajuk dan kekadang cepat marah, tapi selalunya xlama.

    Hari-hari aku just lepak di rumah. Berpantang? Ala kadar saja. Awalnya memang rajin, sekarang dah malas sikit. Apalagi bila rasa diri dah kuat sikit kan. :P

    Dulu time kena kerja, stress je memanjang, asyik rasa nak gie bercuti je, skang bile terperuk jek kat rumah, bosan juga, Haa itulah, nak cuti sangat kan. [Tapi still rasa nak pergi bercuti... I really need it okay]

    Sekarang nie aku cuma nak pandang terus ke hadapan. Aku nak membina diri yang lebih strong and resilient to weakness. Aku nak amalkan hidup lebih sihat. Aku perlu turunkan berat badan. Aku percaya, jika ada rezeki, Allah akan mengurniakan cahaya mata yang sempurna dan comel kepada kami nanti sebagai ganti. Memang rindu sangat dekat baby. Tipulah kalau aku cakap aku tak rindukan perasaan being pregnant. The anticipation of having a baby of my own, but all in time will come true. Aku taknak terlalu terburu-buru. Biarlah betul-betul bersedia kan. Our womb do take sometime to heal.

    Hoping for the very best thing to come. I am blessed and very fortunate, because of having to go through all that has happen, I realize how much people love me, especially my husband. His genuine tender loving care make me the luckiest person alive. :)

    Di sini lah bersemadinya baby kesayangan kami. Sehingga kita bertemu semula di syuga. Insha-Allah...

    www.tips-fb.com Semulajadi

    Tuesday, April 12, 2011
    Dalam sedih, ada air mata,
    dalam suka, ada gelak tawanya,
    dalam cinta, ada sentuhan mesranya.

    Fitrah dan lumrah,
    qada dan qadar,
    semuanya bertingkah balas,
    membina asas hidup.

    Setiap peristiwa,
    setiap cerita,
    ada jalan, ada tafsirannya,
    kadang-kala minda menguasai hati,
    ada kala berlaku sebaliknya,
    tekad dan nekad menentu cara,
    biar berputih tulang,
    jangan berputih mata.

    www.tips-fb.com Kuatkah aku?

    Sunday, April 03, 2011
    Lagi sehari lagi... sehari lagi aku tidak akan merasai lagi gerakan2 halus di dlm perutku. Biarpun suami sentiasa cuba menenangkan aku, bila aku sendiri, pilu dan pedih, terasa sungguh sakit di bahagian hatiku.

    Bukan aku tak cuba untuk tidak memikirkannya.. tapi terasa berdosa.. betulkah apa yang aku lakukan? Berhak kah aku mengakhiri degupan jantungnya?? Setiap kali baby bergerak, terasa sebak di dada. Aku cuba menjadi tabah.. menjadi kuat... positive dalam mengharungi ujian ini, tapi kuatkah aku? Bayi yang begitu kunanti, tak sabar menanti lahirnya... dalam sehari lagi akan pergi... kuatkah aku???

    "Ya Allah, tolong... berilah aku kekuatan... aku terasa sungguh kecil dan lemah dalam menghadapi ujianmu ini... Hidarkan aku dari emosi negatif..."