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  • www.tips-fb.com Life has its own planned agenda

    Wednesday, September 30, 2009
    One thing that I felt really good about my life, is how sometimes, without having me lift a finger, all the puzzle pieces of my life, of future plans, fall one by one into places. That is why I guess, I never felt worry about what happen next. Yes, I do not think much about the future. I am more to "right-now" person.

    I am glad. Eventho, things ain't that certain, but I knew, I can always count on luck. Yes, I can be considered lucky, most of the time in my life. Thank God!

    www.tips-fb.com Stupid Thing that I do

    Monday, September 28, 2009
    Being typically me, I never learned! Sometimes its really hard to differentiate between good and bad. To feel guilty and remorse. Especially when you do the thing that you justify as "white sin". This is the last time I... That it won't happen again, yet.. and yet it happen...

    I almost blew everything off. Not because the grass on the otherside is greener, but because I taught it taste better. Yet, once I taste it, I long to be back where I come from. And I'm angry because I let my illusion tricks me again... yet.. I never learned! Never!

    The old book has been burned so many times. From the ashes, I gathered and even I know how dirty my hands will be, I still pick it up, what left of it anyway, simply because I thought that there's something else got left behind. Something I am still failed to comprehend.

    All of the same stories going around and around, is just an evidence of how stupid I am most of the time. But being stupid, does it mean I am being naive, or am I simply just pure evil?

    www.tips-fb.com Salam Aidilfitri

    Tuesday, September 15, 2009
    Laei 5 hari je nak raya, cepat benar masa berlalu. Tak sabar rasanyer nak menyambut lebaran, walaupun tanpa kehadiran Labu atao Atos menemani kali ini. Anyway, kepada semua, saya minta maaf ye, andai kata ada kesalahan, samada sengaja atao tidak.

    Selamat Hari Raya!

    www.tips-fb.com Anger and Me

    Tuesday, September 08, 2009
    True. Lately I have been so cranky. Not just to my darling, but to all. And maybe some won't even notice, because I do keep quite if I am feeling very cranky, because talking itself make me feels angry. The reason? If only I knew why. But I can be sure of the chemical inbalance in me.

    True, I am not in my 100% healthy self. Hard for me to talk because of my coughing. It has been two weeks already, and I juz hate taking anymore medicine, or going too dr. It doesn't seem to work anymore. The flu juz come and goes with a sneeze or maybe a fews sneeze, now and then. I hate it. I still havn't had my period. And it make matter worst. First, the chemical inbalance won't go away, Second, I am fasting (had to fast as no excuse to "ponteng"), so difficult for me to stick to my medicine. I already take medicine to make my period flows, but still, no success. I am miserably awaiting for my period and hope it takes my crankiness away.

    True, after the accident, I haven't once meet my darling. I am sure I don't have any physical injuries, as I am sure I have internal damage. I need to see him, especially in this stressful moment, still, I am all depressingly alone here. Thinking of spending time with friends? Its juz hard. I want my car back. I hate life without car. It is so depressing. I HATE have to depend on people to do my stuff. Hate it so much!!

    Treatment for me? Theraphy?
    I need to see Dr again? For what, waste of money. I hate tis ugly lump on my wrist. Yes, do remind me to go to DR and have it check... I hate DR!! Hate it more because have to ask people to take me to see one. Everything seem three times more depressing when you don't have car. Seriously, If I have car, I wont think twice to go to KL, but to go there by bus, at this fasting month, near Raya already... ughh.. the thought itself make me depress.

    Oh ya, theraphy, I am thinking of re-highlight my hair, and go for perming too. Maybe it will make me feel better.. Maybe!! but still need to ask people to take me go salon.. so so.. don't like it at all!!

    Right now, I hate conversation, I hate talking, I hate have to pretend to be okay.

    Dear, I am so sorry, I know how much you worried about me, and how harsh I treat you lately, but it is out of my control. I am so depress. I am juz glad I am still in control. I do not revert to cigarette or alchohol to ease my idiotic burden, or go swearing at people, and show my middle finger each time people get into my nerve.. atleast, thats what so good about fasting, you have less temptation to do sinful things, and it make your life atleast not that worst.

    I hope all of this bad feeling would go away soon. Please, it really is not fun at all!!

    p.s : don't be mad if I'm seen like didn't wanna entertain a conversation with you. Don't force me to speak, I only gonna be madder!

    and... I love you.. no matter how badly I behave. Bear with me, please!