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  • Tuesday, April 28, 2009
    Today gonna end badly for me. How I wish he would understand and save me from doing anything stupid, but he is so busy wanted to make me right, that actually I am putting myself in difficult situation, and would only thought of how to make end of the hurt that I felt...

    I know I am gonna regret today, but at this moment, I just don't give a damn!! I only have me to understand me and THE ME say, that I need to let go all of the negative thought. Pray that I survive tonight...

    and that the circumstances from tonight, won't cost me more than I bargain for..

    I just wish he would just listen and understand me better..
    and not just keep on trying to change how I feel.. or what I am..

    I am SO hate myself right now..that I might just cause more pain to me!! emotional..than physically.

    :( ~in A psycho destructive Mood~

    www.tips-fb.com Today Checklist

    1) Sad - check
    2) Angry - nope
    3) Depress - check
    4) Frustrated- check
    5) Suicidal - check
    6)Self worthlessness - check
    7) Self Destruction - check
    8) Cry for help - 100%
    9) Wish to die - 100%

    Pride. Ego. Understanding. Communication. Mencabar. Tercabar. Tidak memahami. Ingin Difahami. Supportive. Loving. Caring. Piss Off. Suicidal. DEAD.

    www.tips-fb.com Silverlight Installation and upgrade

    Monday, April 27, 2009
    There's a few confusion on upgrading to the Silverlight 2.0 if you have earlier installed a Silverlight 1.0.

    What you need to do is :

    1) Uninstall the older version of Silverlight (silverlight_chainer)
    2) Installed the Visual Studio 2008, and Visual Studio SP 1
    3) Download and install Silverlight Tool SDK
    4) For Blend, just installed Microsoft Expression Blend and it Service Pack

    Sometimes, after you have finish the installation, you might find that the design view in VS2008 is missing. All you need to do is go to:

    Start >> All Programs Visual Studio 2008 >> Visual Studio Tools >> Visual Studio 2008 Command Prompt

    and type:
    devenv /resetskippkgs

    This will reset the IDE and display the Design view so you could have the preview of your layout on xaml ;)

    www.tips-fb.com Face

    Most of the time, I could hardly remember where I've been and what I've done. Feels like my world is falling apart, and crumble to the deepest abyss. I tried to remember me, the one who used to be full of life and laughter. The one that was capable of drawing a smile across one's face.

    I woke up this morning with a heavy throbbing head. Trying to remember what I did last night. There's an empty cigarette boxes lying among the ashes. An empty aspirin bottle lay next to cans of beer. Oh, I must have drunk myself to sleep again. Its feels weird that I don't remember why I did it. I feel so sick inside and ran to the toilet to vomit out whatever that was left inside of me. Wash my face, and brush my teeth. The bitter taste really make me wanted to vomit again.

    I look into the mirror. Who is the girl that was staring back at me? She has a heavy dark ring under her eyes, her skin is pale, her hair is in quite a messed. There's a thin line of wrinkle on her forehead, and her lip curled into a smile that seem fake and hideous.

    I could see that my eyes has lost it sparkle, it looks cold and dead. My chapped lips were in bluish brown which make me look like a walking corpse. I licked my lips but it stay dry. I find it very hard to accept that the face actually belong to me. Miserably, I went back to bed. Hoping, after I wake up, I would find a new face, which I knew, is as true as me being happy.

    www.tips-fb.com Movie On Wednesday

    Friday, April 24, 2009
    8TV has aired a movie titled "Angle Eyes" on 22 April 2009 at 10pm. The story revolved around a young police woman and a guy who has lost his wife and his boy during a car crash.

    Both parties were badly broken from their past. At first, the guy didn't even notice why he was so attracted to the girl, when he saw her at a cafe. But he keeps going there wishing to see her again, and during a shoot out, the girl was at gun point and seriously going to be shot straight to her head, and the guy went to the rescue.

    She too feels some kind of bond that attract her to this guy. With him, she could told her stories, about how her father has been beating her mother and brother during her child hood, and one day, she decide to report to the police and arrest her father. Because of that, she has been outcast from the family. She can't understand why she got punished for the right thing that she did.

    She finally uncover the stories that lies buried deep whithin the guy. About why the guy and her were tied which each other. He was the guy that she save in a car accident a year ago. The accident, where the guy has built a solid wall around that incident, he try to not remember what happen because he felt guilty about it. He keep it to himself, and it eats him little by little until he lost his own identity.

    She said something to him that make him realized that he must confront his misery to live on. Not to forget the memories, just because he was afraid of getting hurt, afraid of the pain. The girl also finally able to forgive her father, and told her family about her feeling, although they still treat her as an outcast.

    Lastly, these two soul embrace each other, as they try to start from the scratch.

    "I love this movie. I always love the fact that one soul that has been badly damage would need each other to cure each other pain and these two soul would become one and be whole again. And there's always that one miracle person that would make me feels whole again."

    www.tips-fb.com Use Me -Hinder

    Thursday, April 23, 2009
    Well, I'm kinda like this song... hehe..I wonder why...

    Download This Song



    She wouldn't spit on me if I was on fire.
    She says she loves me, but I know she's a liar.
    The sex is good, but God she's got no desire.
    That's alright. She's takin' me home tonight.

    She's kind of cold, but yet she's hot on the outside.
    Last night got nasty and I'm still kind of tongue tied.
    I hate to say it, but she brings out my sick side.
    That's alright. She's takin' me home tonight.

    She's got whole lot of love (Any way you want it)
    But it's never enough
    (Finish what you started)
    Take me to heaven above
    (And leave me brokenhearted)
    But I won't be a fool and fight it.
    She's gonna use me but I like it. Yeah, yeah.

    I bet she's wonderin' if I'm worth her while.
    She's judge and jury and she's got me on trial.
    But I ain't sweatin' cause I'm first on the speed dial.
    Yeah, that's right, she's takin' me home tonight.

    She always leaves and makes me feel kind of sleazy.
    It's kind of cool because she already pleased me.
    I'm lying here just thinking this is too easy.
    Yeah, that's right, she's takin' me home tonight.

    She's got a whole lot of love
    (Anyway you want it)
    But it's never enough
    (Finish what you started)
    Take me to heaven above
    (And leave me brokenhearted)
    But I won't be a fool and fight it.

    She's got a whole lot of love
    (Anyway you need it)
    But I've run out of luck
    (Now she says she leavin)
    Leavening me in the dust (But that's ok, we're leavin')
    But I won't be a fool and fight it.

    She's gonna use me but I like it. (Like it)
    She's gonna use me but I like it. Yeah, yeah.

    I think I might go with the safe bet this time.

    She's got a whole lot of love.
    (Anyway you want it)
    But it's never enough
    (Finish what you started)
    Take me to heaven above
    (And leave me brokenhearted)
    But I won't be a fool and fight it.

    She's got a whole lot of love
    (Anyway you need it)
    But I've run out of luck
    (Now she says she leavin)
    Leaving me in the dust
    (But that's ok we're leavin)
    But I won't be a fool and fight it.

    And darling I just can't deny it.
    Because you use me and I like it. (Like it)
    Because you use me and I like it. (Like it)

    Yeah Yeah

    Like it. (Like it.)

    Because you use me and I like it. (Like it)

    Yeah, yeah.

    www.tips-fb.com heart

    Wednesday, April 22, 2009
    This heart feels pain.
    This heart feels regret.
    This heart doesn't feels happy at this precise moment.


    The attraction to self destruction behavior were always the strong point of keeping my mindset focus on my survival. Its really is odd when you turn to the very things that could break your life apart, to glue the pieces of your life together. Unrelenting emotion of sadness and anger that keep on knocking on my door, to beg permission to enter, would be the very excuse for me to keep it lock out, as to never to come and cause more hurt on the burden heart of mine. I don't really want people to understand me, but sometimes I keep on hinting like I was open for more socially relationship with people, masquerading my lack of comfortable conversation, to wanting to be near someone. The words might bring no meaning at all. Its all jumble up, and maybe show a little skin of truth here and there, frankly, not for people to understand.

    Sometime I wish my mind wouldn't think too much of everything and giving myself a hard time. He told me I must learn to forgive myself. Until now, I am still very doubtful about that. And I am still waiting, for the very miracle to happen. If I am gonna go through the same thing again, I don't think I will survive the second time.

    www.tips-fb.com My New Home??

    Sunday, April 19, 2009
    Today, Unid and I went to see the house that we intend to rent in Kulim. After our frustration to get the house in KTC, we decided to act immediately before somebody else get the house, but of course, we must like the house first. I was so hopeful as I step into the house and Thank God, the house was very nice and comfortable enuff for both of us. I really like the kitchen cabinet.


    Nice right? :)

    And today also, I received an email from my eight-year-old niece who live in Malacca. She emailed me the picture of her new baby brother. I am so happy to finally see the picture, just cant wait to actually meet him in person. Just another 1 week before I finally meet him. I am so excited.

    Here is the picture.



    He is cute. His name is Syamsuri, which would mean "Matahariku" or "My Sunshine".

    www.tips-fb.com Rumah

    Thursday, April 16, 2009
    Semalam g tgk umah. Suker lah umah tu sebab nampak cantik. Cuma yg spoilnyer sebelah kanannya rumah tinggal(corner lot) lak tu. Rumput lalang panjang naik, tapi tembok batu so consider ok.

    So lepas abes fikir, petang nie kira nak confirm ambil umah tu. Tapi malangnya, tuan rumah cakap dah ader bebudak politeknik 5 orang confirm nak amek umah tu. Sedih lah, sebab nak sangat rumah tu. Kat sini susah nak dpt rumah yang okay. So pencarian for rumah baru stil diteruskan dengan penuh kekecewaan. Harap2 bebudak poli tu tak jadik amek umah tuh.. huhuks..

    www.tips-fb.com Rainbow

    Tuesday, April 14, 2009

    I just love rainbow. This one picture I've taken at the office parking lot. I edited it a bit to ensure u can see the beautiful colors of the rainbow.



    www.tips-fb.com My very first Anonymous Letter (SURAT LAYANG)

    Monday, April 13, 2009
    I have recovered from my fever which I had since Friday, but my body is still weak and I am still suffering from sore throat and coughing, so I decided to see the doctor this morning. So I wake up around 9am because last night I really have little sleep due to my sore throat and cough, it really make me feel really weak this morning.

    After taking a bath, and dress myself with a blue tracksuit and a blue t-shirt, I am ready to go to clinic. I have intended to go yesterday, unfortunately, all clinics that I went yesterday were closed. As usual, I would check my postbox while opening the gate, and I saw one piece of A4 paper, folded in 3, thrust into it. My first thought would be, maybe another advertisement or something like that. This is what I get.




    Perempuan!!!
    Tolong kurong kucing hang, siang malam dok mai kencing, berak, muntah di rumah jiran-jiran hang. Kalau tak kurong jugak.... kucing hang hilang jangan tanyan kami. kami tunggu masa saja.


    First thing that come to my mind is frustration. Then anger and then I feel sad. Let me just translated the letter.

    Woman!!Please caged your cats. Day and Night coming to neighbour's house to pee, poo, and vomit. If u don't caged them... ur cat will go missing, don't come asking us. We just wait for the time.


    This is sadly my MALAY MUSLIM neighbor. Instead of coming to see me, or even if they too shy to approach me, they could always write a more polite letter. I would respond to it and they wouldn't make me think of them much less.

    I have live in KL for eight-years, even tho I am originated from Kedah, but during my eight-years in KL, none of this thing ever happen to me. The least people do is confront me and tell whats bugging them. This is just sad.

    I don't know what else to say. When I first moved here, they have come to confront me and my fiance with a Parang in hand, calling us like bastard, celaka and etc, while we are trying to explain that we weren't in the house together that afternoon because I was at work and my fiancee came to my house to do his laundry(the washing machine is at my place). Since then, they always trying to catch us in close proximity, but in God name we are not afraid, because we never did what they accused us of doing. The prove, not even one single attempt they made are successful.

    And now this. its like they are watching my every move so anytime I would slip or make mistake, they could jump and step on me. So if any of you, especially if you are single and living alone, just don't move to Jalan Desa Aman S8/2, Tmn Desa Aman (its a jungle in here!!). You simply would juz regret it.

    Luckily, before this happen, I already decided to move and maybe try to find new house which is much closer to Kulim Town.

    www.tips-fb.com All the Same - Sick Puppies

    Wednesday, April 08, 2009


    I don't mind where you come from
    As long as you come to me
    I don't like illusions I can't see
    Them clearly

    I don't care no I wouldn't dare
    To fix the twist in you
    You've shown me eventually
    What you'll do

    I don't mind...
    I don't care...
    As long as you're here

    Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
    You'll just come back running
    Holding your scarred heart in hand
    It's all the same
    And I'll take you for who you are
    If you take me for everything
    Do it all over again
    It's all the same

    Hours slide and days go by
    Till you decide to come
    And in between it always seems too long
    All of a sudden

    And I have the skill, yeah I have the will
    To breathe you in while I can
    However long you stay
    Is all that I am

    I don't mind...
    I don't care...
    As long as you're here

    Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
    You'll just come back running
    Holding your scarred heart in hand
    It's all the same
    And I'll take you for who you are
    If you take me for everything
    Do it all over again
    It's always the same

    Wrong or right
    Black or white
    If I close my eyes
    It's all the same

    In my life
    The compromise
    I close my eyes
    It's all the same

    Go ahead say it you're leaving
    You'll just come back running
    Holding your scarred heart in hand
    It's all the same
    And I'll take you for who you are
    If you take me for everything
    Do it all over again
    It's all the same


    www.tips-fb.com Sick and Tired

    The sky has change it colour again. From the brightest blue, to the gloomy dark grey. The wind has started to blow west fiercely. Forcing it way through her petite body. She knows the rain is coming. But she's not running for shelter. She wants to be in the rain, as if the rain would wash away her sin.

    The hatred she felt was long ago gone. She wanted to call him and let him know that she could finally forgive him. She did not want to ask for anything, she don't care if he will not forgive her, she just wants him to know that she has forgave, she no longer hate. She is afraid of the consequences that might happen if she finally spoke to him. She didn't want to cause any more harm. She really hope, he would know this, even if it not her that tell him.

    She has started her smoking habits again. She know, it would do her no good, but smoking make her feel at ease, and alcohol make she forget the world, the world that she has been trying to deny it existence. She should be a mother, she should be a good wife, she should be living the fairy tale life, but she's not.

    She is not complaining to get pity. She is just saying. She always do. Whatever happen, she is glad, at least she is still breathing and living, maybe there's some hope, maybe one day she could fully appreciate what she has. Right now, she is just sick and tired of being sick and tired. All the time.



    www.tips-fb.com Teach ..AGAIN?

    Thursday, April 02, 2009
    I posted a few lyrics today because I have no mood to do work. Maybe because I just cant wait to go to KL to meet my fiancee, or maybe, I was quite overwhelm by what I feels. The simplest thing to do is to indulge in songs, especially the one that the lyrics kinda reflecting back my feeling.

    Last weekend, I went to my sister house and kind of offered myself to help her children with their studies. One will be taking UPSR and the other will seat for PMR. and my sister has this idea of me teaching a few of her neighbours' kids too. I haven't said yes yet, but come to think of it, I might give a serious consideration about it. I could do good in helping them and earn myself some pocket monies.

    A lot of my ideas and planning just go to waste, just like that, and maybe this one, I will try to work it out.. by maybe... I'll give the answer when I got back from KL later.

    www.tips-fb.com The Show - Lenka



    I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
    Life is a maze and love is a riddle
    I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
    And I don't know why

    Slow it down
    Make it stop
    Or else my heart is going to pop
    'Cause it's too much
    Yeah, it's a lot
    To be something I'm not

    I'm a fool
    Out of love
    'Cause I just can't get enough

    I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
    Life is a maze and love is a riddle
    I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
    And I don't know why

    I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
    I'm so scared but I don't show it
    I can't figure it out
    It's bringing me down I know
    I've got to let it go
    And just enjoy the show

    The sun is hot
    In the sky
    Just like a giant spotlight
    The people follow the sign
    And synchronize in time
    It's a joke
    Nobody knows
    They've got a ticket to that show
    Yeah

    I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
    Life is a maze and love is a riddle
    I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
    And I don't know why

    I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
    I'm so scared but I don't show it
    I can't figure it out
    It's bringing me down I know
    I've got to let it go
    And just enjoy the show

    Just enjoy the show

    I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
    Life is a maze and love is a riddle
    I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
    And I don't know why

    I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
    I'm so scared but I don't show it
    I can't figure it out
    It's bringing me down I know
    I've got to let it go
    And just enjoy the show

    dum de dum
    dudum de dum

    Just enjoy the show

    dum de dum
    dudum de dum

    Just enjoy the show

    I want my money back
    I want my money back
    I want my money back
    Just enjoy the show

    I want my money back
    I want my money back
    I want my money back



    Just enjoy the show

    ~download here~ :)

    www.tips-fb.com Second Chance - ShineDown

    My eyes are open wide
    By the way I made it through the day
    I watch the world outside
    By the way I'm leaving out today

    Well I just saw Hailey's comet shooting,
    Said "why you always running in place?
    Even the man in the moon disappeared
    Somewhere in the stratosphere"

    [Chorus]
    Tell my mother, tell my father
    I've done the best I can
    To make them realize
    This is my life
    I hope they understand
    I'm not angry, I'm just saying
    Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

    Please don't cry one tear for me
    I'm not afraid of what I have to say
    This is my one and only voice
    So listen close, it's only for today

    Well I just saw Hailey's comet shooting,
    Said "why you always running in place?
    Even the man in the moon disappeared
    Somewhere in the stratosphere"

    [Chorus]
    Tell my mother, tell my father
    I've done the best I can
    To make them realize
    This is my life
    I hope they understand
    I'm not angry, I'm just saying
    Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

    Here is my chance
    This is my chance

    Tell my mother, tell my father
    I've done the best I can
    To make them realize
    This is my life
    I hope they understand
    I'm not angry, I'm just saying
    Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

    Sometimes goodbye
    Is a second chance [x3]

    ~download here~

    www.tips-fb.com The Song I Love

    I love this song, or more specifically, I fall in love with the lyric. So cool..

    "I've been travelin
    on this road to long
    Just trying to find
    my way back home
    The old me
    is dead and gone
    dead and gone
    Ooooooo
    I've been travelin
    on this road to long
    Just trying to find
    my way back home
    The old me
    is dead and gone
    dead and gone"


    "I turn my head to the east
    I dont see nobody by my side
    I turn my head to the west
    still nobody in sight
    So I turn my head to the north,
    swallow that pill
    that they call pride
    The old me is dead and gone,
    the new me will be alright"

    ~Dead and Gone~ Justin Timberlake ft TI~ download here