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  • www.tips-fb.com Wet

    Friday, October 31, 2008
    I am wet.. haha...please don't misunderstood me, I am wet from the rain. This morning look like a pretty good weather to me, a bit cloudy, but the sky is blue.. and you can see the sun ray shining down through the snow white cloud. But nearly reaching my work place, it started to get dark, and the cloud look kinda heavy and then come the rain. Oh dear, the best thing about it, I am on my motorbike and I didn't bring any rain coat. Good for me. Upon reaching my work place, I am soaking wet. That serve me right, for not being able to read the weather and for not being prepared for the worst case scenario.

    Ah.. before coming to work, I stop at an Indian stall selling almost the best roti canai that i ever taste here. I must admit, only Indian people could make the best Roti Canai ever. So that is a good start for my day today, after all.

    Note to myself "It is okay to be wet, it didn't hurt to be wet, because surely can save up on petrol."


    www.tips-fb.com Cupcakes anyone.. :)

    Thursday, October 30, 2008

    100g butter

    100g castor sugar

    2 eggs

    90g self raising flour

    25g cocoa powder

    1/4 tsp baking powder

    4 tbsp milk

    3/4 tsp vanilla essence


    Preheat oven to 175 degrees Celsius.

    Beat butter and sugar till light and fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.

    In a separate bowl, sift flour, cocoa powder and baking powder. Fold in the sifted ingredients into the creamed mixture alternately with milk, starting and ending with flour.

    Pour batter into baking cups until they are 2/3 full. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes until a toothpick inserted in the center of the cupcakes comes out clean.

    Remove cake from oven and let it cool completely before decorating the cupcakes.

    Taken from HERE

    www.tips-fb.com On my way there

    Wednesday, October 29, 2008
    My heart beats with excitement and full of anticipation. Could this be it? My hope, my dream.. my destination has become nearer and nearer...

    I am almost there...


    www.tips-fb.com What I miss the most

    Friday, October 24, 2008
    This few days, I didn't feel like writing, as you guys read on, you can see most of my entries are cut and paste from other people article or material that I find as interesting. Well, maybe I should have an entry from me today, before I went off and enjoy my weekend.

    Last nite I have been thinking about the bads and the goods of my life here and there. So this is what came to my mind. Thing that I love most about Damansara, the place where I've been living for the past two years before move in Kedah.

    1) My social network- friends.. I miz hang out wif u guys, go mamak stall, watch movie, window shopping, shopping, karaoke-ing, gathering, exhibition.. etc

    2) Cinema.. did u know that in Damansara alone there's 3 cinemas there, TGV, GSC, and Cathay. Of coz my favourite is GSC 1 Utama, Hall 2 and 3 where I catch the latest movie release there. For a movie buff like me.. not watching a movie on it release date is really dissapointing. I feel so left-out now. It does make me feel depress.

    3) All stuff that happening, like the Movie Carnival, Cat Show, the free screening tickets

    4) Food Delivery.. I miz Domino so much. and also mcD. No worries, no matter what's the time, the food is juz a click or a phone call away.

    5) Drive -Thru services. did u know that in Kota Damansara Petronas Station also has Maybank ATM drive-thru services. How more convenience can it get. And of course the drive thru for KFC, McD, Burger King, Dunkin Donut, A&W... I am starting to have tears in my eyes now. I dont even have to get out from my car. All a ready to-go services.. T_T

    6) What bank do you want. In Damansara, almost all of Bank are there. CIMB, Maybank, RHB, Ambank, CitiBank, Bank Rakyat, Al-Rajhi Bank... those are the bank that I go..there's also bank that I didnt go such as Public Bank, Hong Leong Bank, OCBC Bank, and so much more....

    People always say to me because I come from a village also..like kampung girl lah, then why do I feel so stressful living here.. the thing is.. I am a person who love convenience and somewhat hectic life. Here the life style is in slow pace. I am so used to all the conveniences already. What make it worst, I do use all the provided conveniences that make my life easier. Without them, I feel living is so hard and stressful. After all, I never spent enuff time in my hometown because I live in boarding school and then after school also, I choose to live separately and far from my family. Maybe I love being independent, where my activities wont be under my family microscope.

    Well, what am I complaining now. What ever happen is due to my own choice. There's no one force me into what I am doing right now.. or where I am now.

    And here is not too bad. I have easy access to nature, all the waterfall, and mountain and jungle-trekking.. yea..I'll be fine...

    www.tips-fb.com Being understood is blessed

    This is a story that I get from my email today. and it's quite interesting. Read on...

    A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read "Puppies For Sale." Signs like that have a way of attracting small children, and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign.

    "How much are you going to sell the puppies for?" he asked.

    The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50."

    The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change. "I have $2.37," he said. "Can I please look at them?"

    The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran down the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur.

    One puppy was lagging considerably behind. Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?"

    The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn't have a hip socket. It would always limp. It would always be lame.

    The little boy became excited. "That is the puppy that I want to buy."

    The store owner said, "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll just give him to you."

    The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner's eyes, pointing his finger, and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I'll pay full price. In fact, I'll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for."

    The store owner countered, "You really don't want to buy this dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies."

    To his surprise, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands!"

    www.tips-fb.com Malaysian Social Contract

    This article has been extracted from Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad Blog

    1. Before there was Malaya and Malaysia the peninsular was known as Tanah Melayu, or Malay Land.

    2. Saying this alone would result in accusations of being racist.

    3. But I need to go back in history if I am going to be able to explain about Malaysia's social contract.

    4. Through treaties signed by the Rulers of the Malay States of the Peninsular the British acquired the right to rule the Malay States. These treaties obviously recognised and legitimised the States as Malay States. No one disputed this. Even the aborigines accepted this as shown by their submission to the rule of the Malay Sultans.

    5. Initially the peoples living in the States were divided into indigenous Malays and aborigines who were subjects of the Malay rulers and foreign guests who were not subjects of the rulers. There were no citizenship or documents about citizenship status as in most countries.

    6. The foreign guests prospered in the British ruled Malay States and in the British colonies of Penang, Malacca and Singapore. The Malay subjects of the Rulers and the Rulers themselves did not feel threatened by the numbers of these non-Malays and the disparities between the general wealth and progress of the foreign guests and the subjects of the Rulers. They did not think that the foreigners who had settled in the country would ever demand citizenship rights.

    7. When Japan conquered the Malay States and the colonies of the Straits Settlements, the Chinese felt insecure as the Japanese were their historical enemies.

    8. Many Chinese formed and joined guerilla forces and disappeared into the jungle. When Japan surrendered the Chinese guerillas came out and seized many police stations in the interior and declared that they were the rulers of the country. They seized many people, Chinese and Malays and executed a number of them.

    9. Malay villagers retaliated by killing the Chinese in the rural areas. Tension rose and a Sino-Malay war was only averted because of the arrival of British forces. But the ill feeling and animosity between the two races remained high.

    10. It was in this tensed situation that the British proposed the Malayan Union which would give the "guests" the right of citizenship as indistinguishable from that of the Malays.

    11. The Malays rejected the Malayan Union and its citizenship proposal. They forced the British to return to the status quo ante in a new Federation of Malaya.

    12. Only Chinese who were British subjects in the colonies of the Straits Settlements were eligible to become citizens in this new Federation. Naturally the Malay citizens far outnumbered the Chinese Malayan citizens.

    13. Chinese leaders appealed to the British, who then persuaded the UMNO President, Dato Onn Jaafar to propose to open UMNO to all races. This proposal was rejected by the other UMNO leaders and Dato Onn had to resign.

    14. The British kept up the pressure for the Malays to be more liberal with citizenship for non-Malays.

    15. Tunku Abdul Rahman, the President of UMNO decided on a coalition with MCA (Malaysian Chinese Association) and the MIC (Malaysian Indian Congress). In the 1955 elections to the Federal Legislative Assembly, since there were very few constituencies with Chinese or Indian majorities, the MCA and MIC partners had to put up candidates in Malay majority constituencies after UMNO undertook not to contest in these constituencies but to support MCA Chinese and MIC Indian candidates instead.

    16. Such was the support of the Malays for the MCA and MIC alliance candidates that they won even against Malay candidates from PAS. The MCA and MIC candidates all won. Only UMNO lost one constituency against PAS.

    17. The Tunku as Chief Minister of a self-governing Federation of Malaya then decided to go for independence. The British continued to inisist on citizenship rights for the Chinese and Indians as a condition for giving independence.

    18. To overcome British resistance to independence and to gain the support of the Chinese and Indians, the Tunku decided to give one million citizenship to the two communities based purely on residence. One notable new citizen was (Tun) Leong Yew Koh, a former general in the Chinese National Army who was later appointed Governor of Malacca.

    19. It was at this stage that the leaders of the three communal parties who had formed the Government of self-governing British Federation of Malaya, discussed and reached agreement on the relationship between the three communities in an independent Federation of Malaya.

    20. It was to be a quid pro quo arrangement. In exchange for the one million citizenships the non-Malays must recognise the special position of the Malays as the indigenous people. Certain laws such as the pre-eminence of Islam as the state religion, the preservation of Malay reserve land, the position of the Malay Rulers and Malay customs and the distribution of Government jobs were included in the understanding.

    21. On the question of national language it was agreed that Malay would be the national language. English should be the second language. The Chinese and Indians could continue to use their own languages but not in official communication.

    22. Chinese and Tamil primary schools can use their languages as teaching media. They can also be used in secondary schools but these have to be private schools.

    23. For their part the Chinese and Indian leaders representing their parties and communities demanded that their citizenship should be a right which could not be annulled, that they should retain their language, religion and culture, that as citizens they should have political rights as accorded to all citizens.

    24. Much of these agreements and understandings are reflected in the Federal Constitution of Independent Malaya. For everything that is accorded the Malays, there is always a provision for non-Malays. Few ever mention this fact. The only thing that attracts everyone's attention and made a subject of dispute is what is accorded the Malays and other indigenous people.

    25. Thus although Malay is to be the National Language, Chinese and Tamil can be used freely and in the Chinese and Tamil schools. In no other country has there been a similar provision. Even the most liberal countries do not have this constitutional guarantee.

    26. The national language is to be learnt by everyone so that Malayan citizens can communicate with each other everywhere.

    27. It was understood also that the Chinese language referred in the understanding were the Chinese dialects spoken in Malaysia, not the national language of China. Similarly for Malayan Indians the language was Tamil, not Hindi or Urdu or whatever became the national language of India. However, the Chinese educationists later insisted that the Chinese language must be the national language of China i.e. Mandarin.

    28. The official religion is Islam but other religions may be practised by their adherents without any restriction. As the official religion, Islam would receive Government support. Nothing was said about support for the other religions. The non-Malays did not press this point and the Federal Constitution does not mention Government support for the other religions. Nevertheless such support have been given.

    29. A quota was fixed for the Malayan Civil Service wherein the Malays would get four posts for every one given to Chinese or Indians. However it was recognised that the professional post would be open to all races as it was never thought possible there would be enough Malays to take up these posts.

    30. The result was that in the early years of independence there were more non-Malays in Division 1 than Malays.

    31. The Agong or the Rulers of the States should determine quotas of scholarships and licences for Malays. But no one should be deprived of whatever permits or licences in order to give to Bumiputras.

    32. The position of the Malay Rulers was entrenched and could not be challenged. There would be a Paramount Ruler chosen from among the nine Rulers who would serve for five years.

    33. The rulers were to be constitutional rulers. Executive power was to be exercised by elected Menteris Besar, Ketua Menteri (Chief Minister) and Prime Minister, assisted by members of councils and cabinets. The British practice was to be the model.

    34. The most important understanding was the adoption of Parliamentary Democracy with a Constitutional Monarch, again after the United Kingdom model. It should be remembered that the British imposed an authoritarian colonial Government on the Malay State, the power resting with the Colonial Office in London.

    35. Before these the Malay States were feudal with the Malay Rulers enjoying near absolute power. Only the elites played a role in State politics. The Malay subjects had no political rights at all. Certainly the guests had no say in politics. Even the Chinese and Indian British citizens had no say though they may be appointed as Municipal or Legislative Councillors.

    36. The decision to adopt a democratic system of Government was a radical step in the governance of the Federation of Malaya and of the Malay States. This was agreed to by the leaders of the three major communities as represented by their political parties i.e. UMNO, MCA and MIC. There can be no doubt that these parties represented the vast majority of the three communities in Malaya. The Communists and the other leftists did not signify their agreement to the understanding.

    37. The Reid Commission was briefed on all these agreements and understanding so that they will be reflected in the Constitution to be drawn up. All the three parties approved this Constitution after several amendments were made. In effect the Constitution became a contract binding on all the three communities in the Federation of Malaya upon attaining independence in 1957.

    38. When Sabah and Sarawak joined the Peninsular States to form Malaysia the social contract was extended to the two Borneo States. The natives of Sabah and Sarawak were given the same status as the Malays. At this time the word Bumiputra was introduced to distinguish the indigenous Malays and Sabah, Sarawak natives from those descendants of foreign immigrants. Because Malay was widely used in the Borneo States there was no difficulty in the acceptance of Malay as the national language. The fact that the natives of the two states are not all Muslims necessitated no change in the Constitution once the word Bumiputra was accepted. But the official definition of a Malay remained.

    39. The embodiment of the social contract is therefore the Constitution of first, the Federation of Malaya and then Malaysia.

    40. To say it does not exist is to deny the contents of the Constitution which was based upon the acceptance by the leaders of the three communities of the original social contract.

    41. All subsequent actions by the Government were the results of this social contract. The fact that the initiators of this social contract and their successors were endorsed by the people in every election reflects the undertaking of the people to honour this social contract.

    42. Saying that the social contract does not exist is like saying that Malaysia exists in a vacuum, without a Constitution and laws based on this Constitution.

    43. Implementing the social contract requires understanding of its spirit as much as the letter. The social contract is aimed at creating a multi-racial nation that is stable and harmonious. Any factor which would cause instability and result in confrontation between the races must be regarded as incompatible with the spirit of the social contract.

    44. For 50 years no one seriously questioned the social contract. Even today the majority of Chinese and Indians and the indigenous Malays and natives of Sabah and Sarawak accept the social contract. But because Dato Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi basically lost the 2008 election and now heads a weak Government the extremists and erstwhile detractors have questioned the social contract. The Bar Council has now become a political party believing that its expertise in law will exempt it from being questioned as to its credentials and its political objectives.

    45. Abdullah's UMNO is incapable of countering any attack on the social contract. If anything untoward happens Abdullah and UMNO must bear responsibility.

    www.tips-fb.com Happy Deepavali

    Wednesday, October 22, 2008
    To all my friend who will be celebrating Deepavali this coming Monday, I would like to wish you HAPPY DEEPAVALI

    deepavali image

    www.tips-fb.com Mood Swing

    A mood swing is simply a noticeable change in one’s mood or emotional state. Everybody has mood swings and they are a natural part of most people’s lives. We get happy, we get sad. We have a period of feeling on top of the world, and then later in the same day, we feel tired, lethargic and beaten down. Small mood swings are a part of most people’s lives.

    However, some people’s mood swings are so extreme, rapid or serious, that they interfere with that individual’s functioning in everyday life. Bipolar disorder is the best example of a disorder that is characterized by mood swings — from manic to depressed. You can, however, have mood swings between any two moods or emotions, sad to angry, happy to contemplative, etc. etc.

    What Can I Do About a Mood Swing?

    People who are experiencing a mood swing that’s been going on for more than a few weeks and is seriously affecting their friendships, relationship, school work, etc. should consider seeking professional help for the issue. A professional can help accurately diagnose the problem, and prescribe a course of treatment to reduce the mood swings.

    Mood swings are not a person’s fault, nor can time always heal this kind of issue on its own. Without help, often times people get worse instead of better. Mood swings can be so bad as to make it impossible for a person to go to class or work, or hang out with friends or your significant other. Denying one has mood swings, especially if others bring it to your attention, isn’t going to make things any better. Getting help for them can.

    What About Less Serious Mood Swings?

    Mood swings that aren’t linked to a specific disorder generally come and go as a natural part of a person’s life, or might be a part of a person’s personality. While mood swings haven’t been scientifically linked to many specific foods, drugs, or such, a common example is that of someone consuming a large amount of sugar (e.g., from cola or other beverages) and then coming down off of the “sugar high.”

    The best way a person can identify their own mood swing triggers is to keep on the lookout for times when you’ve noticed your mood has changed significantly from what it was earlier in the day, and trace back your steps about what food, drinks or activities you may have engaged in. Tracking this pattern in a journal or online can help you identify things that may trigger or precede a possible mood swing, allowing you to avoid those triggers (such specific quantities of specific foods or beverages) in the future.

    Original article from Psych Central

    By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
    March 1, 2007

    www.tips-fb.com Definition of Idiocracy

    Tuesday, October 21, 2008
    On my way back yesterday from work, i met a lot of idiots. Let me explain to you certain people that I've branded as idiot. In this entry I would only list down one first.

    *No offense to anyone*

    1) When it is raining heavily, and you could hardly see the road, please switch on your car headlight. Only IDIOTS are stubborn enuff not to use their car headlight. Hallo, of course you can see the road, it not even nite time yet, but when the water cover the window and side mirror, people can hardly see you.And it is the easiest thing to do, SWITCH ON THE CAR HEADLIGHT. If that also you donno how to do... of course, YOU ARE A NATURAL BORN IDIOTS!

    www.tips-fb.com About Laughter

    Thursday, October 16, 2008

    Laughter Facts

    Dr. Lee Berk and Dr. Stanley Tan of Loma Linda University in California have been studying the effects of laughter on the immune system. They have proven:

    -An increase in T Cell activity (very important in the treatment of AIDS) Laughter helps these cells to “turn it up a notch”.

    -An increase in IgB, the immunoglobulin produced in large quantities and an increase in Complement 3, and this helps antibodies to attack dysfunctional and infected cells.

    -An increase in natural killer cells that attack viruses and some types of cancer and tumour cells.

    -Eustress or good stress is created by laughter.

    Laughter is Aerobic – meaning it increases the oxygen intake in your body and also gives your diaphragm a good workout, which in turn is excellent for asthmatics or anyone with a lung disorder.

    Stress Hormones are lowered by laughing. Stress hormones can constrict blood vessels and suppress immune activity.

    The chemical dopamine, which is released during the “fight or flight” response that Dr. Hans Selye discovered in the 1960’s, decreases with laughter.

    In a study published in the Journal of Holistic Nursing, patients were told one-liners after surgery and before painful medication was administered. Those exposed to humor perceived less pain when compared to patients who didn't get a dose of humor as part of their therapy.

    Muscles relax during and after a good laughing session.

    Laughter positive effects all body systems, respiratory, circulatory, blood, cardiac etc.

    Laughter can actually help to lower blood pressure and is also very good for people with diabetes.

    We used to laugh 20 minutes out of every day in the 1950’s. Now we laugh for 6 minutes out of every day. Something has changed between then and now. How do you measure up with laughter?

    Laughter medication for chronic depression and PTSD.

    I was made aware of an important fact this month.

    There is a point in the course of chronic depression and intense stress where the limbic system (that's the body "pleasure center") simply shuts down. The bad news is that the affected individual feels messed up and does not want to do anything positive anymore.

    The good news is that in effect they are not in control of their behavior anymore, which translates into the fact that they need not feel guilty.

    There is a natural, non-medicated way to bring the limbic system back into normal functioning. All you have to do is laugh often and much.

    Science has proven that laughing stimulates the production of dopamine, which in turn stimulates the limbic system.

    -Twenty seconds of sustained laughter is the cardiovascular equivalent of 3 minutes of strenuous rowing. It has been scientifically proven stress creates a reaction in your body. But laughter and a changed attitude can turn around the effects of stress.

    -Laughter is the most inexpensive medicine. Sustained laughter stimulates an increased rate of endorphins, the body's natural morphin

    -Laughter boosts the immune system. Proven by: Dr. Lee Berk, Loma Linda University, California

    -RESEARCH REPORTED: According to a study by Maciej S. Buchowski, PhD, and his colleagues, using a whole-room indirect calorimeter at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, a daily laughter workout of 15 minutes can burn 40 calories and melt away 4 pounds over the course of a year.

    A Laugh and a Half

    Experts have long theorized that regular laughter improves physical health, but however happy the notion, there was no proof it was true. Finally there is. A new study establishes that laughter improves functioning of the blood vessels and blood flow similar to that which results from aerobic activity.

    Michael Miller, MD, director of preventive cardiology at the University of Maryland Medical Center, gathered 20 healthy male and female volunteers, average age 33, to take part in the study. After fasting overnight, each of the volunteers watched a 15-minute segment from one of two movies -- either from the dramatic and deeply disturbing Saving Private Ryan, or from the jolly film King Pin. A minimum of 48 hours later, participants watched the
    segment from the other movie.

    Before and immediately after volunteers watched each film clip, researchers did precise measurements of volunteers' blood flow in the brachial artery (located in the upper arm). The tests showed considerable changes in blood vessel activity that lasted for at least 30 to 45 minutes after participants watched the films. After viewing the humorous film clip (and laughing), 19 of the 20 volunteers had an average increase in blood flow of 22%. This was
    in striking contrast to the change in blood flow when the volunteers watched Saving Private Ryan -- it produced an average blood flow decrease in 14 of the 20 volunteers of an astonishing 35%.

    The reason for this change has to do with the lining of the blood vessels (the endothelium), which plays a critical role in vessel tone and cardiovascular health. Dr. Miller says the study shows that laughter apparently helps maintain healthy endothelium. He speculates that there are several reasons for this. It might be because during laughter, diaphragm muscles massage the internal body structure, but it also might be that laughter triggers chemical changes, such as the release of endorphins, hormones associated with an enhanced sense of well being. He adds that the negative finding produced by mental stress might well relate to a breakdown of nitric oxide, a compound that helps keep blood vessels properly dilated.

    While there is still some mystery about exactly how laughter helps, there is no longer any question that it does promote good health. Dr. Miller advises aiming for 15 minutes a day of meaningful guffaws -- they are good for the mood and good for the body.

    Taken from http://www.afunnybusiness.ca/laughter_facts.htm


    A note to myself: Please LAUGH MORE! :)

    www.tips-fb.com Feeling Sarcastic??

    Monday, October 13, 2008

    Things Women Never Say: 'Sorry I'm late boss. I was talking to my husband and he wouldn't stop listening.'

    Signs that your real husband has been abducted by aliens: 'I'm sorry/I was wrong/Tell me everything/You look beautiful/I need to listen better/I've been an idiot.'

    www.tips-fb.com Realizing...

    Sunday, October 12, 2008
    Last Friday night, I watched an Indonesian movie on the telly, "Ayat2 Cinta" which can be translated to "Words of Love". That was the first time I watched the movie and it really touches my heart. Things that I could remember from the movie are something like "humility, sincerity, trustworthy, trusting, betrayal,one-sided love, unconditional love,sacrifice" and lastly "qada and Qadar". It was all blend together nicely in the movie, altho most of the scene are short and lack of details, but it was what to expect from an adaptation of a novel.

    I am not here to summarize the whole storyline, enuff to say that it really make me cry that night.. oh well, I do cry a lot lately, so its not some big news anyway.

    Now, at the office, finishing up some work. Kinda bored staying at home, mite as well get something done.


    www.tips-fb.com .......

    Thursday, October 09, 2008
    It hard to actually tell people your exact thinking, there are to much at stake, to risk everything just because of some foolish talk about how unfair is the world, won't do much different after all. People say, sometimes, it is best to keep silence. But silence leave to much for other people interpretation. People will assume anything they fail to understand and let their better judgment take over.

    I have some crazy high time. My psychotic emotional break, that would surely drive people away if I let it consume me. Like I say, there are too much at stake. Loneliness is not as simple as it may sound. Loneliness is proven to drive people mad. We are human, we are created in such a way that we need to socialize. Even the most geekiest person would need some human interaction, may it be direct or indirect.

    I was portrayed as a cruel bitch just for ignoring the fact that other people happiness is much valuable than mine. Not to mention a weak and fragile girl than could easily surrender to her selfish emotional self and burn and hurt all people around her. Plus being the most hypocrite person alive for wanted to change herself to be a better person, yet still live in the past. It sad but most of it is true. Altho most of the time, I never intended to do what ever I do. I love my family, my friend and those who are close to me. Come to think about it, I love them more than myself. Maybe thats why, it easier to punish myself when they are hurt by me or when they complaint about all my weaknesses.

    I know, this cruel world has mold me into a pessimist and negative being. Rationally, I could motivate other people, differentiate the good from the bad and surrender myself to the higher power, God. But looking at it emotionally, I couldn't help myself for feeling sorry for me. Its not easy to have a good life if you have a bad past. I know, why remembering the bitterness while you have all the sweetness ahead of you. As much as I wanted to forget, sometime it just come back and bite you.

    I never could have shown my weakness to my family, let alone confront my mom and tell about how mentally abuse I have been, nor consult it with my friend. Sometime I wonder if I am really mentally healthy or just a psycho in the making. As long as I am happy, I am pretty much normal average human being that lead a wonderful life. but when I am stress up and sad, all this negative emotion would consume and drown me, and I could hardly keep my head straight and face everyone with a smile.

    Time and time I analyze myself, trying to reason and hope that I would never ever give up to my emotion, but when the tension is building, it hardly have a way to get out. Once it is in my head, I dont know how to let it go, and yes of course I would do the stupid things that my rational self never would have approve.

    Looking at other people, my friend, I just hope they realized how lucky they are for having control of their self and not becoming like me that would easily bow down to my negative emotion and do more damage than good.

    I know I have a lot of people who love me, but why does I felt so alone, and empty and sad.

    What would ever cure me from my long infected virus that has been eating my soul slowly from inside?

    Devoted yourself to God. He would never let you down.

    "Dear God, please sent me some guidance, even tho it is not my place to ask, I beg of You, sent me a person who would be able to guide me through this hardship, and end this forever. I beg of You to give me a glimpse of happiness and give me way to be closer to You. Amin"

    www.tips-fb.com The Reason

    Tuesday, October 07, 2008
    "My only sin is not being able to love you back"

    Damn, what the hell does he mean by that.. Damn.

    I keep on cursing him. The moment he rip off my heart, he is now my enemy. Doesn't he realize what he has done to me? I gave him the world and this is how he repay me. That bastard. I hope he burn in hell.

    After much cursing, ripping of his picture, burning all his gift to me, I finally broke down and cry.

    "Oh God, I cant let him go. I love him too much. Its all my fault. Why cant I treat him better? Why did I has to open my lousy mouth and scream all those nasty things to him"

    I tried call him. But the line is dead. He shut off his phone. What am I suppose to do.
    I cant live like this. Yes, yes, I have to die. My long time best friend will now come visit me again. I took a handful of pills and push it down my throat.

    There's a burning sensation in my chest. My heart rate increase dramatically. I lay down. Waiting for my last breath. The pain is now subsiding. Now, I will be at peace, at last. and there's darkness.

    I open my eyes. I could see people wearing white coat. Am I in hell?

    "Hallo there, you finally wake up. I'll call your parents in." One nice lady said to me.

    Oh, I see.. I am not dead. I am in the hospital. Why? I wanted to be dead. I have no more will to live.

    "Dear angel. Why do you do this to us? Are you not loving us anymore?" My mother mutter the words between her sobs.

    I feel so guilty. I am being so selfish. Who am I to take away their loving from me.. and why should I not be punish. Let the pain come to me. I should be living in suffering.

    After all this time, I still remember him. Once a while I cut myself juz to for go the pain. Just enough to feel the pain and survive. My parents dare not say much to me. My drastic action has left them try anything to make me happy.

    One day I received a letter. The letter come with a familiar handwriting. He wrote to me.

    Dear Ana,

    I know our relationship has meant a lot for both of us. And I want you to know that it is not that I don't love you, but we are not meant to be together. You are like the flame and I am the fuel. We will only burned everything if we keep on being together.

    I am really sorry for what had happen. Please find in your heart to forgive me.

    The letter end. I try to call him back. A woman voice answered.

    Before I could say anything, she say
    "Ana, I know its you. I'm his mother. He no longer with us. He's involved in an accident in front of the post office. Right after he sent the letter to you"

    Hearing this I nearly fainted. Like a mad woman, I ran and keep on running, and suddenly I fly to the sky and crashed onto a car. I bleed and finally.. my life left my body, heavily injured, with a letter, tightly held in my hand.

    www.tips-fb.com I'm Back

    Monday, October 06, 2008
    Hallo...I'm back again.. Anybody miss me? :P I dont think so. Anyway, this year Raya celebration was juz so-so for me. I dont even have a baju raya because the tailor cannot finish mine on time. But nevermind, raya is still raya with new clothes or not.

    On first day of Aidilfitri, I spent time visiting my frens' house and relative. Plus eating a lot. My menu on 1st day of aidilfitri

    - A lot of lemang and rendang

    - Keowteow Tomyam
    - More Lemang and Rendang Ayam Peru
    - Laksa
    - Nasi Daging
    - More kuih/ biskut raya
    - Nasi himpit with very delicious kuah kacang that has liver inside.. yummy..

    - Eat rice at home.. before going sleeping

    Today I have been doing a bit of thinking. I know that I hate my job, and I would never be successful this way.. and I envy those who get to do what they like, so I am thinking..

    1) Continue taking master.. stop working for now
    2) Taking a second degree which has nothing to do with computers..but what?
    3) switch job, finding another job that has nothing to do with programming
    4) quit job, stay home.. get to know myself.. what I really like, and start over again...


    and yeah..forget to mention.. can you believe it that I lose 3kg during fasting.. maybe I should continue fasting this syawal.. who knows, I'll be way lighter :P