Last Day in Mimos Kulim

Today is my last day here, before I took a one-week-off and move back to KL (finally). The feeling, I don't know, mostly feel lazy, simply because too many things to do and I am so in holiday mood. Plus, I do not know to begin with what first, and now I end up writing here.

Tak sabar sebenarnya nak kembali ke pangkuan yang tersayang. The first week of being husband and wife, is full with the feeling of contentment. I feel complete, altho we did have a fight, simply because both of us are still holding on to our ego, but its normal thing I guess. One of my friend did tell me, the secret to a happy marriage is communication and of course patience. If we lose any of those, argument is unavoidable. I do afraid of any heated argument, especially if I am having my PMS, where tolerance would be very hard to achieve and usually, things turn to worse because he did not know how to make me feel better. We both need to learn to be more understanding of each other.

I think everyone is going thru the same thing, the most important thing of all is that, the mutual feeling of love that we shared. It is the best feeling of all.

This Friday, I am going to drive to KL, bringing along  my family with me to attend the reception in Kajang. I am so excited, for the wedding, for him, for my family and friends that I am going to see at the function.

Thanks God for giving me all of this altho most of the time, I feel like I didn't deserve any of this.

Day 5 of being a wife

On 12.12.2009, finally I am officially belong to my darling. Now I understand, why married people are so happy. You just could not explain the feeling of love, the sense of belonging and most importantly, it felt like one big heavy burden has been lift off from my chest.

I am so happy. Very happy as for me, everything went well. Alhamdulillah!

Life after marriage is very different. I admit, I have undergo a drastic change. I could feel the responsibility, and how much I wanted to only be the best for him. People keep saying that I should immediately try to have a baby, but for me, I want us to enjoy this couple life first. Baby, maybe later. I believe in planning but if God think that I am ready, and bless me with a child, I will accept it gratefully. :)

To my darling, I love you... so much!!

The Past

Day by day, the past has deserted me, further and further more. My old life, the one that I am quite comfortably confine in, now will has it drastic change. I am happy but very afraid as well.

My work, I really wish I would get better and better at it. Put more effort and passion into it. I don't know where would this road lead me too, but this is the road that I choose (my career of course). Now I am bumping into another junction, reaching the same destination, but still, I do not know what will I passed through along the road. It did make me kinda worry a bit. I do hope some day, I could reach the expertise level in DotNet framework. Now, still in the mid-level and have a lot of things to learn. Worst part is, sometimes, learning could be very boring.

These few days has been very stressful. A lot of things has to be done, and I do let my psycho maniac self go out of line a bit. *sigh... will I ever grow out of this? I am glad its almost over now, but every ending is a beginning to something else. No assurance given whether it would be better or worst, just pray to God that, of all the decision I have made in my whole life, let this be the one that I would not be regretting later on.

Another eight days to be somebody missus, yet, who's counting anyway. As the day is approaching near, my heart nearly explode from the excessive mixture of feeling which I couldn't even describe. I don't know, honestly, I am very, very afraid...

Am I ready? Do I really sure about this?

Nine

Another nine to take the pain away. Is it enuff? I know I still need more. God help me!

Dexamethasone

Important safety information:

Dexamethasone may lower the ability of your body to fight infection. Avoid contact with people who have colds or infections. Tell your doctor if you notice signs of infection like fever, sore throat, rash, or chills.
Tell your doctor or dentist that you take Dexamethasone before you receive any medical or dental care, emergency care, or surgery.
Dexamethasone may cause an elevation in blood pressure, salt and water retention, and increased potassium loss. You may need to restrict the use of salt and take a calcium supplement.
Dexamethasone can cause calcium loss and promote the development of osteoporosis. Take adequate calcium and vitamin D supplements.
Diabetes patients -- Dexamethasone may affect your blood sugar. Check blood sugar levels closely. Ask your doctor before you change the dose of your diabetes medicine.
Caution is advised when using Dexamethasone in CHILDREN; they may be more sensitive to its effects.
Corticosteroids may affect growth rate in CHILDREN and teenagers in some cases. They may need regular growth checks while they take Dexamethasone.
PREGNANCY and BREAST-FEEDING: It is not known if Dexamethasone can cause harm to the fetus. If you become pregnant, contact your doctor. You will need to discuss the benefits and risks of using Dexamethasone while you are pregnant. Dexamethasone are found in breast milk. Do not breast-feed while taking Dexamethasone.
Possible side effects of Dexamethasone:

All medicines may cause side effects, but many people have no, or minor, side effects. Check with your doctor if any of these most COMMON side effects persist or become bothersome:

Difficulty sleeping; feeling of a whirling motion; increased appetite; increased sweating; indigestion; mood changes; nervousness.

Seek medical attention right away if any of these SEVERE side effects occur:
Severe allergic reactions (rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue); appetite loss; black, tarry stools; changes in menstrual periods; convulsions; depression; diarrhea; dizziness; exaggerated sense of well-being; fever; general body discomfort; headache; increased pressure in the eye; joint or muscle pain; mood swings; muscle weakness; personality changes; prolonged sore throat, cold, or fever; puffing of the face; severe nausea or vomiting; swelling of feet or legs; unusual weight gain; vomiting material that looks like coffee grounds; weakness; weight loss.

I Wanna Know What Love Is (Mariah Carey)

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when Im colder

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life


I wanna know what love is.....
I want you to show me......
I wanna feel what love is.....
I know you can show me......



I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me....
Ive got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me....

In my life! there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I cant stop now, Ive traveled so far
To change this lonely life!.!.!.!.

I wanna know what love is.....
I want you to show me......
I wanna feel what love is......
I know you can show me......

I wanna know what love is....
I want you to show me....
And I wanna feel, I want to.... feel what love is....
And I know, I know you can show me....

show me



I wanna know what love is, lets talk about love
I want you to show me, I wanna feel it too
I wanna feel what love is, I want to feel it too
And I know and I know, I know you can show me
Show me love is real, yeah
I wanna know what love is...

Download here

Ikut kata hati...

He know how I would react if he continue to ignore me. He know what I do if I am feeling stress and yet feel ignored and unloved. But still, that the very thing he do, and I do the very thing that I expected me to do. He is fully sick of my behavior. While my hand trying to reach his, he pull his away and left me alone. 8 tablet of pills didn't work at all. Yes I need more. But my heart and my mind keep on fighting with each other. I know the heart will win, but my mind its the only rational thing I have right now.

There's only two people who really know who I really am in this world, but even those two cannot be a dependable asset for me to grab on to. Maybe, any other day, it would be my last day. I just hope that it would not be today.

When I am almost there...

I am almost there, anticipating another 16 days to come..

the horror..the horror.. the thrill.. the excitement...

("^.^)

The Forgotten People 2

For the first time in his life, he could see colours coming to life. The black and white dancing images on a pale and blurry world's curtain has been lift off. His heart feel warm with anticipation. He was so unsure of his feeling. He never has experience such positive energy before. His heart pounding hard again the chest, his pale face turn to red, his hand shaking nervously while he bend down to pick up the dirty rubbish bag and bring it to the backyard, to be burn.

While he watches the smokes making their way to the sky, he heard a voice calling his name. He turn around, but no, there is no one in sight. Maybe he was just imagining thing. Then he heard it again. This time the voice is a little harsh. Maybe it was angry that he didn't hear it the first time. He is sure that it was real. He is now listening carefully through the wind. There, the voice speaks again. Still, he could not see to whom does the voice belong too. Now the voice asking him why did he feels so happy? did he forget how suffer his life is? Did he forget that he's not suppose to have any reason to live for, except to serve them? He could not believe it. What kind of evil that could detect such a pure feeling, then deny it to him. He held his hand close to the ear, trying to shut out what it say. But still, the voice creaks and pounded to his brain, like an unstoppable noises that come from an old car's broken engine.

The Forgotten People

When being asked, he just keep quiet. Muttering silently the curses that did not flew away pass his tight lips. He hated them all, but he know that this people wouldn't care. He was too dependent on them to walk away, yet, how many time has he wishes that he could grab that sharp knife, glittering invitingly under the florescent light, and stab it across their pounding heart. Make it stop. Make them no longer able to hurt him. He can't. He is too dependent on them. That's why he has hated them strongly with all of his heart.

He know who he is. Among all those forgotten, and powerless people. Who has to bow down to them, in order to make living. In order to breathe this air and not feeling suffocated by the suffering that this life has granted to him. He was born among the bushes, left out like a thrash, then this monster pick him up, and this monster now become his master. He has to serve, no question asked. He owed them that much, and they never will let him forget that.

He met her that day. She was so beautiful. He looked at himself, hideously dirty and smelly, all sweaty and greasy. She looked at him, not with the same disgusting eyes that those monster always look at him, but with pity in her eyes. He could swear that there's a precious stone in her eyes, glittering under the light, and fade away with a line of silvery liquid, running down her cheek. Is it tears that he seen? She cried for him. He felt strongly towards her, even by that simple gesture. He swear, he would protect her from the monster. Even though it would kill him. Then the monster dragged her away. The moment they share are lost, but he promise to himself, that he would see her again. He was so sure about it, as sure as he, that the sun would rise to shine this forsaken land, when morning come again.

(continue...)

Thru My Window

We need each other :)